Ep.8 - Gloria
Listen to full episode:
A visit to the Minnesota Historical Society unearths the name of the safe deposit box’s owner, and a restricted document aids Paul in discovering the reason behind the newsletters’ preservation.
Episode 8 Transcript
What have you done in the past two years? Have you gotten married? Graduated with a doctorate? Started a family? Maybe even a 401K?
Me? I’ve stalked octogenarians with questionable sexual pasts and explored their offspring’s mostly terrible childhoods.
In the two years of this project, from first encountering the mystery of these newsletters up to today, my enthusiasm and curiosity have ebbed and flowed. I’ve had exhilarating moments of discovery and weeks, sometimes months, of discouragement.
SFX - TYPING
Paul: Dear Jen and April just wanted to update you on the progress I'm making in researching our favorite swingers group ever to be.
I can even look back at emails I wrote in the early stages of this project and think “who was that person? He knew nothing. He thought The Silver Chain was all sunshine and fucking and bell bottoms.”
But still – that spark. The thrill of discovery. A new clue. A turn in the case. I can sense it in those emails. I love that feeling. And it returns to me when Marcel and I head to the Minnesota Historical Society Library to view the original newsletters.
Paul: Oh, my God. That's not what I imagined them looking like. because I've only been looking at PDFs.
Lori Williamson: I know. I think they're kind of cute. They're like pocket sized.
Marcel: It's like a church pamphlet.
Lori Williamson: Oh, my God. You're right.
Paul Ditty: It is. It is really like a church newsletter.
That other voice you hear is a woman whose co-workers claim is the most knowledgeable about the library’s collections. A woman named Lori Williamson.
Paul: One of the reasons why I reached out was because I was surprised to learn that the Historical So ciety has first refusal for documents that are left behind at banks. Can you tell me a little bit about that?
Lori Williamson: I can tell you that it didn't come to us directly from the bank. It went to the Department of Commerce first, because that's the state agency who I think deals with abandoned property first. Right. And then they come to us and say, here's a list of, you know, what was found, what do you want of it? And but that happens very infrequently. That is not a common occurrence. But so so there is an intermediary step between. So it's not just like the banks don't just call us and be like, hey, you know, so. So with that Department of Commerce and then then yeah, we identified it as something that we wanted to add.
Lori is friendly, energetic, wears glasses, a long skirt, and a sweater in the August heat because this place is air conditioned to morgue standards. Lori moves through the building with this confident familiarity – like she’s moving about her home. Which gives me hope that she holds the answer to a question that’s been plaguing me.
Paul: From the records that you have, is there a way to. Identify who owned the safe deposit box.
Lori Williamson: Um. Let me see here. Yes... The name I have here is Gloria.
I’m Paul Ditty, and this is Time Capsule: The Silver Chain.
ACT ONE
Paul: Let me just now I'm curious here. Sorry. I'll be quick. Sorry.
Lori Williamson: No. No, no. It's okay. I just have a 1:00.
Gloria. I open my laptop and scroll frantically. And it turns out that yes, Gloria is on my spreadsheet. But barely. She along with her husband Dave are mentioned just three times in all of the newsletters.
The first time is in the November 1977 issue, in an article written by Carol.
Carol: After a brief discussion, we took a short coffee break. When we resumed our discussion, I invited Gloria to the group. Gloria will be one of the people assisting me with New Horizons this year.
Then, there’s another mention by Carol in February 1978:
Carol: The topic for the February 26th New Horizons will be touching, This very popular session will be presented by Vic and Gloria.
And finally, an article from March 1978 written by Gloria herself:
Gloria: At a recent rap session a suggestion to form a womens' support group was brought up. I would like to urge all interested female members of the Silver Chain to attend the first meeting. With knowledge comes trust and lack of trust is a major problem to those in our lifestyle. Let's get to know each other better.
So Gloria is not only assisting Carol in New Horizons, she’s even starting her own women’s support group. This is classic Time Capsule, right? Each answer, inevitably leads to more questions. And this is definitely the case when Lori Williamson reveals one additional document that holds Gloria’s name.
Lori Williamson: So what I'm looking at here, it says according to documents found with the accession, this material was form was. To form part of a research project.
The note here says. Information. Identifying the collectors of this material is marked and should not be made part of the collection, but rather filed in the accession file.
Paul: What is an accession file?
Lori Williamson: Accession session file is where this stuff came from.
It's stuff about getting the collection, it's like the metadata about it's the information about the collection that makes sense and how it came to us.
Marcel: It's internal, right?
Lori Williamson: Yeah. Working. Working documents.
Marcel: The donor was doing a research project where they get handed it over for a research project or.
What we learn from the accession file is that this safe deposit box didn’t fall into the Historical Society’s hands due to a death. The donor - Gloria - was aware that the library had the safe deposit box’s contents, and gave permission to share some of the documents – The Silver Chain’s newsletters and by-laws – which would mean that Gloria was very much okay with this Time Capsule becoming public record.
Except of course for the restricted documents. What is in those papers? Was Gloria writing a book? Did she merely pose as a swinger to infiltrate The Silver Chain, then participate in New Horizons, and launch a women’s support group all as a means of gathering information?
Was this woman, lauded by Carol in the newsletter, in reality a clever and opportunistic double agent?
If I want answers, I have to find Gloria.
And it takes me five minutes after leaving the library to discover that Gloria passed away in 2004.
So my only other option is to somehow get access to the library’s restricted papers.
Fortunately, Lori sees the scope of my research and agrees to speak with a colleague about granting me access to these documents. Lori tells me that this co-worker is out of town for the weekend, and that she’ll get back to me on the following Tuesday. Just one day before I’m scheduled to return to California.
But I don’t hear back from Lori on Tuesday morning. So I email her, and oh-so-delicately mention that I’m flying home the next day. And still: nothing.
Paul: Hold on, they're trying to kick me out of my room. Second, I extended until 1:00. Oh, yeah. Thank you.
It’s Wednesday. I’m packing my suitcase, and on a ZOOM meeting with our production team when I get the email I’ve been waiting for.
PING
Lori: Hi, Paul. Hope you are well. Are you still in town? I got the OK to let you see that research document if you have time. If you don't have time to stop by, maybe we could do a virtual visit appointment. Let me know your thoughts, please. Thanks.
Paul: Hi, Laurie. I'm changing my flight. Can I be there? Can I meet with you today? Okay. Let me just call her. I have her number here. I'm just going to call her. She. She knows that I'm unhinged. So she's used to me emailing and then immediately calling. It's my it's my relationship with her.
Hey, Laurie, this is Paul Ditty. I just got your email, and it occurred to me that I could change my flight because I really would love to see the documents in person. So if you could give me a call back to let me know if that is a possibility, that would be great. Thanks again for getting back to me. I really appreciate it. What an adventure you guys do.
Nora: And do we know like how many of these documents. There are.
Paul: No idea. I don't even know what it is.
Six excruciating minutes pass. And then I get a reply.
Paul: She says, Don't bother changing your flight. We can do virtual tomorrow. And she's available from three. See here. She's available from 3 to 4 today, though.
Nora: Three to four today.
Paul: So let me see what I can do.
I change my flight, hop in the car and head for St. Paul. It feels surreal. I’m so wired once I get to the library that I completely fuck up the recording equipment and lose my actual discussion with Lori. I’m sorry. I’m a mess at this point. My one saving grace is that I used my phone as backup for part of it.
Paul (What We Find): I just left the library. Lori took me on a journey down into the basement of the Historic History Center and down a long hallway, and then into a room that required a key card to open. And found this file and shared it with me.
The four pages are a grant proposal for a research project titled “The Investigation of Sexually Open Marriage Contracts.” In the document’s problems and objectives section, the writer states that a study of the introduction of swinging into marriage will examine how functional or dysfunctional such activity is for the marital relationships.
Paul: Previous research on co-marital sex has shown that this group has very specific contracts. Also that such co-marital activity was almost universally initiated by the husband and often against the will of the wife. There is some evidence to indicate that co-marital activity is not as clearly male dominated as prior research would indicate. One objective of the study would be to reconcile these two viewpoints.
The next section details a description of activities the researchers will embark on for this project.
Paul: We have gained access to two social clubs for swingers in the Twin City area involving over 500 members. Such access provides a unique opportunity for the investigation of these issues. This study will utilize a combination of methods both quantitative and qualitative. The initial stages for which we are seeking funding will focus on field research and taped in-depth interviews with at least five couples to be conducted over the summer.
Can you imagine? If only we had those tapes! The next section is titled “Implications and Findings.”
Paul (Implications and Findings): One approach to predicting the future is to study groups that today are deviant. If women in these groups are indeed taking the initiative in suggesting such sexually open contracts, this will have greater implications for future relationships between the genders. it's important from
Okay wow. Is Gloria writing this? Whoever it is, they sound really smart, right? The next section lists the three individuals involved in this project: Gloria, an undergraduate student with an almost completed double major in social work and sociology. Her husband David. And a man named Jeff who is listed as both a marriage counselor and an instructor trained in qualitative methods.
And then, we have the budget:
Paul: Number 1: 10 120 minute cassette tapes cost $20. Number two, membership fee to the Sunburst Club. Cost $15. Number three. Membership fee to the Silver Chain Club. Cost $65. Number four. 12. Social fees at $4 each. Cost $48. And number five. 12 trips to the Twin Cities at $0.15 a mile. Cost $270. Total budget $418. Signed, May 23rd, 1976.
Lastly, the document lists Jeff the instructor slash marriage counselor’s name at the bottom of the final page.
A quick sidenote: I wasn’t able to find anything about Sunburst, the other swing club listed on the proposal. And you know I tried.
I fly home and work on tracking down Jeff. And what I find is that Jeff was an instructor at St. Cloud College in the 1970s. So he could have been Gloria’s professor. But also St. Cloud State College!
Man’s Voice (from E05): On Thursday, April 21, three members of the Executive Committee including Cheryl, Carol and Yeah Yeah myself had the rare opportunity of being invited to St. Cloud College’s Alternative Lifestyles class to discuss swinging.
That was in 1977 – eleven months after this proposal. Was Gloria also in that class?
SFX PHONE RINGING GENERIC VOICEMAIL GREETING
Paul: Hi. My name is Paul Ditty and I'm a writer based in Southern California, and I'm doing research on a project that involves some documents that I received from the Minnesota Historical Society. And I'm trying to reach a gentleman by the name of Jeff, who I think may have been connected with these documents.
the only working number I can find is for a woman who I think might be Jeff’s wife. Leaving her a voicemail seems like a long shot. But just a few minutes later –
Paul: Okay. I just received a text from Jeff. You reached out to my wife. I did live in Minnesota from 1973 to 1980. What is it that you are looking into?
We text back and forth until finally Jeff agrees to let me give him a call. I tell Jeff the purpose of my call: swingers, newsletters, college classes, a panel on swingers in an Alternative Lifestyles class. Jeff confirms that he taught a class at St. Cloud State where swingers were invited to speak one day. Only according to Jeff, the name of the class was not Alternative Lifestyles. He believes it was called the Sociology of Deviancy and that they spent time in the course examining alternative marriage structures.
Jeff Wise: Yeah. Project I did. My classes have. Swingers. Mm hmm. I don't remember who it was, but, uh, you know, it could very well have been, um, you know, somebody that she recommended. I don't know. Mm hmm. I don't know.
Jeff does not remember Gloria – although he must have been associated with her in some manner. Both of their names are listed on the grant proposal. And he doesn’t recall exactly how it happened that The Silver Chain members spoke with the class, but he believes one of his students may have coordinated this.
What Jeff is clear on is the fact that he regrets ever allowing The Silver Chain to participate in the class. Jeff felt like it was advancing something he wouldn’t have promoted. Jeff also tells me that the research project is not something that he would have done. And claims to have no recollection of the proposal. He declined to do an interview for this podcast.
One of the first people I reach out to after speaking with Jeff is Jack El Hai. Without Jack’s GQ article “The 70s Swingers Club and the Secret Archive it Left Behind” there would be no mystery for me to solve. I’ve kept Jack updated on my progress and I can’t wait to tell him about the safe deposit box’s origin.
Paul : What do you think about that?
Jack: Well, it it makes me think a little differently about the materials, you know, that they were somehow gathered together as part of an proposed study, an academic effort. And without that academic effort, that academic interest, we wouldn't have those papers today, those newsletters. I wouldn't have written what I did. And you wouldn't be doing what you're doing now. It. It does put things in a new light. It wasn't as accidental as I thought. I thought that, you know, some member, Silver Chain member had kept some newsletters for some reason, put them in a safe deposit box and then forgot about them. But it sounds like these were kept with much more deliberate intent. And and also makes me wonder about Gloria. Who was she? A spy, in a way. I don't I doubt that she joined the club and didn't take part. You know, she must have been a member with some activity, but was she doing her academic duty or was she did she really believe in what the club stood for, too?
It's surprising to me. It's something. It's something about it disturbs me because it's destroying my preconception about how those newsletters may have gotten into the safe deposit box, and it's replacing it with something that I don't know about that these people were being studied. I don't know if I like that.
So that explains why the newsletters, why when someone. Gloria, saved the newsletters. But does it explain why they were abandoned in a safe deposit box?
Paul: Well, it doesn't entirely.
Okay Paul. Be honest: it doesn’t actually answer that question at all.
Gloria was alive until 2004. But the newsletters were turned over to the Minnesota Historical Society in the early 1990s. So if this research was so important to her, what caused Gloria to abandon her work?
—
Every good spy drama has that one agent who delves too far into the world they’ve permeated. They get in over their head, the line between doing the work and being a participant gets blurred. All objectivity is lost. They become unreliable.
Which is why one of Jack’s questions lingers in my mind post-phone call. Was Gloria both performing an academic duty and participating in the club’s after hours activities? At what point is this no longer research, and instead mere justification?
With Gloria no longer living, I reach out to her daughter Rachel in the hopes of finding out.
Paul: she said, I'm absolutely certain my mom would talk to you if she were alive today.
I asked if I could interview her. And she's she's a little bit on the fence.
Marcel/Paul (Denver Airport): Marcel. You made it. Hey, I'm ready. I thought it was 61. It's hot. Fall. It's a little cool. This is Denver. I know, but I always think of the Metropolis mountainous area. I know. It's like going to be, like, 95 today.
Convincing Rachel to meet with us takes time. In fact, it’s a year to the day that I first viewed Gloria’s grant proposal, when Marcel and I arrive in Denver to conduct the interview.
Marcel: Okay, so we are here,.
Paul: Hi. Hi. So nice to finally meet you. This is Marcel.
Marcel: Hey. Nice to meet you.
Paul: Well, thank you very much. I know. Nice to finally meet you.
Kim : Yes. Come on in. This is my husband.
Marcel: Hey how are you doing? I'll give you a hug too. I'm Marcel. Nice to meet you.
Kim: I'm a hugger.
Paul: This place is beautiful. Oh, it's just gorgeous. Thank you. This is amazing.
Kim: It's been a labor of love.
I’m not just turning on the Minnesota charm about Rachel’s home. This house is absolutely majestic. There is open land for as far as the eye can see, leading to an epic mountain view.
Rachel and her husband prepare us a delicious dinner of grilled shrimp and chicken, a salad with housemade dressing and fresh baked cornbread.
And afterward , Rachel’s husband leaves to run errands and we settle into her living room. Rachel tells me that her parents Gloria and David met while living in the same apartment building. Only they were both married to other people and each had two kids. It was after those ended, that Gloria and David dated and then eventually married. David’s children moved to California with his ex-wife and he adopted Gloria’s son and daughter.
Together, Gloria and David have two additional children, Rachel and her older sister. And Gloria and David are like the original Chip and Joanna Gaines. They start moving into, remodeling and then flipping houses, taking the family all across Minnesota to make a sale.
Kim: And then after that we moved to Saint Cloud, which I think is kind of where our story that relates to this would start, because my mother started, we moved back there and my mother started college.
Paul: How did it come about that your mom decided to go to school?
Kim: Well, I think that she enjoyed school as a young person. Um, and it was. She was a young mother. Fwhy So I think it was one of her bigger regrets that she wasn't able to go to school.
She went back to school when I was in third grade. No one else's mom was doing that. And. And then when she did go back to school, Her best friends were. Three people. A single mother with a small child. A. A gay man in his mid-thirties. And then a. Someone who was exploring. Uh. Transitioning from male to female. So I know no one else had that in their family in the city of Saint Cloud. And my mom did sit down and talk to all of us about these people and. And. And that's. The. That's just three people. Right. Life is made up of so many other people. So we would talk about people all the time. When I went to the big city and I saw people of all different religions and races and sexual orientation and and how they identified that just in. That just wasn't odd to me. And I was grateful for that.
For lack of a better word, My mom was a bad ass.
Yeah. Gloria sounds rad. Connecting with people that were probably treated in this community like outcasts takes confidence, courage and heart. It’s no wonder that Gloria approached Carol and the members of The Silver Chain with a similar open-mindedness.
Kim: I do believe it was maybe the last year of college, that she took a course in human sexuality and. And then I believe she she must have started studying the swinging lifestyle. And started research, found them, and then asked them to come speak.
Paul: So for your mom then, this was like something that she was looking at from a scholarly perspective.
Kim: It was very academic from the beginning. How long it stayed that way? I'm not exactly sure.
I think what happened was the. She's doing the paper. She's doing the research, then. Oh, we're going to go to the city for The dance. And then I think the question became, Oh, wait, you graduated from college. You're done with the paper. Why are you still going?
Gloria graduates from St. Cloud College in the Spring of 1977 and begins her career as a social worker, at which point her research on swinging would have been complete. But her participation in The Silver Chain continues uninterrupted. Soon, Dave and Gloria move the family to the Twin Cities, and are such loyal devotees to the monthly dances, their perfect attendance is awarded a free dance voucher that November. Something tells me that by this point they’re doing more than dancing. And Rachel’s seeing the same thing. Because The Silver Chain is creeping into her life. In a lot of little ways.
The first of which is a typewriter.
SFX TYPEWRITER RETURN CHIME
Kim: I remember my... my dad bringing home my typewriter. I remember that newsletter. Being produced in our living room.
And the second element? Is our old friend Carol.
Kim: It sounds like Carol was like this before my she met my mom so maybe two of them kindred spirits got together and they were not only had this group that they felt connected, they were going to make it better. So they started offering the women's groups.
I think that probably, Carol had this gut feeling about women's equality. And then my mom had just received all this education that gave her the confidence to step forward and and speak with confidence
Mom had a confidence that women were equal both in the job but in sexuality. So it wasn't all about men and their gratification
I think that's what she would tell you, that she just wanted her power. And wanted the women in the group to have their power.
The women’s group is initially called BRA, an acronym for – well, they’re not quite sure. And while they love the double meaning of the word in terms of support, they eventually change the name to the more straightforward Women Talking.
Kim: We would be told, okay, we're having a group of women over here tonight and you've got to stay in your bedroom. So but again, that's just women getting together.
That's me watching a lot of women try to have a better life.
It changed when they met another couple who was much younger than they were, um, about 13 years younger than my father. And they started doing more outside of the group,So pretty soon these people were coming over for, you know, dinner on the weekends and just hanging out.
my parents were very upfront about who the couple were.
Paul: In what respect?
Kim: Well, they're fellow swingers. And, and we'd like them with that because they're young, right? we thought they were very fun and it was great. And. So we went on this camping trip.
And it's that typical Minnesota summer, drizzly, kind of cold. Right. And I remember it being just getting dark when we pull in with the with our trailer park it and it's a new campgrounds. My sister and I are pretty excited about it. It looks pretty fun. And I remember asking, are they here yet or are they here yet? No, they're not here yet. And then they got there. We were all excited. And then it then it was immediate. Kind of immediate. Oh, say hello. Okay, Go find something to do and don't come back till ten. And it and we were off, you know, riding our bikes and running around and then it started to rain. And so we wanted to go back and. We didn't know there was a reason why we were told to not come back until after ten
My sister and I decided to go back to the camper. and we opened the door and sitting on one couch was my mom and the gentleman, and on the other couch was my father and the wife. And they were kissing.
They came home on Sunday. And they said, Ask any question you want. And we didn't get in trouble. We asked every question we wanted to. Then they basically say, well, we're really glad, glad because it's really hard to sneak around behind your back. And I don't think that was coming from, Oh, we want to be honest angle, maybe a little bit. But I think it was self-serving. I think it was hard. I think it was hard to shield your family, your kids. I think it was hard to live these two separate lives. And now it's going to be easier. Now I'm sitting in my living room on a Sunday afternoon., and my father and the wife are laying in a beanbag listening to music, And, my mom's sitting over there next day, you know, the husband.
and they don't have to hide that from me.
And now that the secret’s fully out, Gloria and Dave celebrate summer and go on more family camping trips with their favorite couple.
Kim: I want to say that. It. Members of the Silver Chain might have been there. Um, but I'm not exactly sure. I remember it being a really fun trip.
It’s July 1978. Rachel is having the time of her life. She’s swimming, playing horseshoes, tubing down the river, possibly getting sunburnt and eaten alive by mosquitoes but still savoring every minute of fun . So much fun that the other couple even bring along their niece as an additional playmate.
Kim: And my mother overheard the wife telling the niece, Isn't he so awesome? Now you see why I want him. And she was my age. So she's a very young girl too.
So then my mom became very suspicious and became upset and went to my father and said said, I don't want to sleep with him tonight. I want to sleep with you. You're going going to a seminar next week. I want to be with my husband. And I remember there was a lot of anger. The wife got really, really angry. I think my mom got her way. And I remember my dad not being too happy, but it went from a very fun trip to not because everybody was mad. And then we packed up the next morning, we went home. My dad went to his seminar. And I don't know how many days he was there, but my mom tried to get ahold of him while that was happening, but she was unable to cut and he didn't call home to check in.
And here’s where Gloria and I see eye to eye – like me, she is very persistent with the phone. I can relate to that need to make just one more call – and it’s a final call to the hotel’s front desk that gives Gloria the answer she needs
Kim: The person answering the phone said, No. Mr. And Mrs. just checked out 30 minutes ago and she knew she wasn't there. So that's when my father came home and I woke up in the middle of the night and they were fighting. And she said, You need to give her up. And he said, I'm not giving her up. And she said, Well, then I'm leaving. And he said, I don't want you to leave. I want you to stay. I don't want a divorce, but I'm not giving her up. And my mum said, Well, I'm leaving because I can't do this anymore.
When I woke up, my mom wasn't there. And then two days later we were moving her into an apartment.
Carol and George came over to my mom's apartment and talked to my mom and dad and said, don't do this. Don't let this happen.
Carol and George, I think, talked about a time in their life that that they had had some issues and almost divorced and then decided not to and that they would work through it. And they did. And they were happy they did.
Despite all the conflict, Gloria and David do agree on one thing: they are not going to follow in Carol and George’s footsteps. Gloria stands firm with her ultimatum: her or me. And David chooses the other woman.
Kim: She was really, really hurt that he chose someone over her. Right. So I think she blamed the lifestyle for that. Like, if we hadn't gotten into the lifestyle, he wouldn't have met her and I wouldn't be, you know, think about it. How old is she at this point? This is 1978. She was born in 40. She's a 38 year old woman competing with like a 27-28 year old. Yeah, I just know it devastated her. It absolutely devastated her.
There were times afterwards that my mother stated that there was several infidelities during their marriage on my father's part, and she felt if she did this then, then that would keep it above board
But there's no way she wouldn't have been doing that if she hadn't wanted to either.
I think they met them and my dad was so head over heels in love with her that. He pushed the boundaries and my mom just was trying to hang on.
—
The last newsletter in Gloria’s safe deposit box is dated June 1978. And At the time, the club never printed a July newsletter nor held a dance in lieu of their annual summer campout. Which, that year, was scheduled for July 28th through 30th so it’s possible that this is the final trip Rachel took with her family. Especially if you factor in Dave attending a seminar shortly afterward in August.
Either way, I think we can now understand why the June issue is the last one on file. By the time of the August issue’s printing, Gloria and Dave’s marriage was imploding.
Paul: Why do you think your mom spent the money to store these newsletters in a safe deposit box?
Kim:I think divorces can get. Ugly. You know, he said, she said We discussed the fact that she got the safe deposit box and she put items in there. She told me it was for proof of something. I think he either tried to or she was afraid he was going to say. Oh, he didn't want to do that. It was all her. And it was all because it was behind her studies.
We will never fully know Gloria’s reasoning – she’s not here, but Rachel’s memory seems pretty reliable. And I don’t know about you, but I never in a million years suspected those newsletters were originally stored as proof in a divorce case.
Once the divorce is final, David marries the other women. Also on that very same day Gloria exchanges vows with a man from another swing club.
Shortly after marrying, Gloria and her new husband get job offers in southern Minnesota. And in 1980, Rachel moves with Gloria and her husband to California. But in all that packing there’s something Gloria’s forgotten.
Paul: Why do you think your mom left the safe deposit box behind?
Kim: A few different things. I think she probably just wanted it all to be gone. I think it was painful.
And then it was a financial thing. I think at that point, probably maybe it hadn't been paid for and she would have needed to go back and pay for it and. There wasn't any money to go back and pay for it.
So Gloria really did just leave the newsletters behind. In fact she’s ready to leave everything about the swinging lifestyle behind her. Except the new husband isn’t. Once in California, he pressures Gloria to get back into swinging. She participates a couple of times, then says never again.
Kim: There was a lot of infidelity on his part as well. And he was caught multiple times. let's put it this way, I was watching the Johnny Carson show and I saw this woman and she was an author of the of a book. And it was called Men Who Hate Women in the Women Who Loved Them. And I went, Oh, my gosh, that's my mother. And I bought her the book. And she read the book. And by the time she was done with the book, she asked him to leave. Hmm. And she never really dated anybody again. And, um, but I was also pregnant with my oldest child, and she just got to play grandma all the time.
Rachel and her mother remain close until Gloria passes away from COPD when she’s only 64.
Kim: It still keeps hitting you. As the older I get and the more you realize 64 just is not that old. And. And my kids were so close to her.
They still remember her. We talk about her all the time.
After we finish our talk, I do the same thing I do after every interview: look at copies of the newsletters.
Paul: So I think that that's the first time that your mom really got involved. You can see, like, this is Carol's group, New Horizons Human sexual myths discussed and April. Yes.
Kim: So she was definitely doing these things. Yeah. So I think, you know, having every you're always stronger if you've got someone with you who says, yeah, let's do this and go here.
Parents of the seventies w ere driven. To have fun and sex maybe was part of that. And maybe because they're they were brought up in such traditional households. This was a free expression, you know, free love. I don't think they went into it thinking it would destroy their marriages.
Rachel looks at the newsletters with polite interest. Like Lisa and Pam, and even Diana and Tammy, WHO barely acknowledge the newsletters’ existence in front of them.
It feels as if they hold no meaning.
And even after two years, this still surprises me becauseFrom the moment I first heard about The Silver Chain – perhaps just like those who joined the club – I fell in love with an idea. And not just the idea of these primarily middle-aged people rediscovering themselves and owning their sexuality. It was the promise of community, belonging, of finding unique connections in the homogenized suburbs. Camping and playing backgammon, bowling, and of course, kitten ball with the best people you could ever meet.
I also thought I was going to uncover a hell of a good time. Meet a bunch of wild swingers still living it up like it was 1977. The Silver Chain’s trademark year. You know, sixty-nining but getting ate more. A team of Blanche Devareux’s pursuing equally horny old men – just waiting to meet and tell me their story.
Instead, quite unexpectedly, what I uncovered at first was a lot of shit. Stories of abuse, childhood trauma, divorce, and death.
And even when I heard the best stories – of Henry and Tammy having the time of their lives, or Dr. Bob and Geri building a swinging enterprise – very little of it had to do with the act of swinging itself.
There was more to it. A realization I came to during my most emotionally difficult time in making this podcast.
Lisa: I dated a lot of guys. And the longer longer that went on, the more and more depressed and dead I was getting. You think it doesn't hurt you, but you are killing yourself. Yeah. So what are you going to do with all this?
Marcel:Are we good?
Paul: Yeah, we're good. Yep. You can start breaking down.
That’s Marcel and me, meeting with Carol’s daughter, Pastor Lisa, at the Hampton Inn in Bemidji having a conversation that hit me in the gut. A conversation – in that moment – I wasn’t even sure I was ready to share within this podcast. Until the next day when I received an email.
Lisa (reading): Paul, Thank you for taking the time to listen to me yesterday. Driving home I felt free of a great weight. It was important to me to be heard that the Silver Chain was not just some harmless fun. It is very respectful of you to take the time to do the research past the surface. However you move forward with your project, I appreciate you at least took the time to hear the deeper story. I wish you great success in your endeavor. Pastor Lisa
What I realized is that the Time Capsule was never about the newsletters – The real Time Capsule is the people.
Kimmer: It's delicate, you know, and it is how you present it and you could present it any way you wanted to is important because like I said, you could you could totally mess it up and paint them as bad people or good people or whatever. You're just trying to paint them as people.
People who are both ordinary and extraordinary each in different ways. Whose inner lives we might never know under regular circumstances.
Dan:I can only imagine in 1960, 1970, what those community members were afraid of or the types of things they would experience if they were found out or outed within their communities.
That’s Dan, from The Swing Nation podcast.
Think about it – A swinging couple hosting a national podcast. Is this something that we would see today if it weren’t for clubs like The Silver Chain? Would we be openly discussing the expansion of ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, and other varieties of relationships without people like Carol and George, and Cheryl and Jerry. pioneering the same ideas 50 years ago?
Anonymous Silver Chain Member: Please delete me from your list and whoever else might be on your list that you haven't already contacted. Thank you very much. Goodbye.
So despite the secrecy, the fear, and the shame, the real reason for the newsletters existence today – from being recovered from a safe deposit box, making their way to the department of commerce and then eventually the MN Historical Society – it wasn’t for the benefit of The Silver Chain’s surviving members. Or really even their children.
They already lived it.
Lori Williamson: That's why we have these documents, so we can get a better feel for what they were feeling and thinking.
The newsletters survived for us.
To not only tell a story. But to learn and be reminded how life changes drastically and yet stays exactly the same. And that what may be brand new and exciting to us has already been lived and experienced by others. People you may or may not notice in your everyday life. In nursing homes with their TVs on too loud. Or taking too long writing a check at the grocery store.
People with stories. Past lives. Secret histories. Sadness. And moments of joy that can only be shared from their heart. Stories that I bet are just as good as this one. All you have to do is ask.
Geri: We are. Very thankful that you came across this and started writing about us because, as Bob says, we really have a story to tell of someone that you know.
I’m Paul Ditty. And this is Time Capsule: The Silver Chain.
Time Capsule is hosted and written by me, Paul Ditty
AND is a production of Diversity Hire Ltd and CYSA Productions, in collaboration with Feelings & Co.
Our Executive Producers are Jennifer Goyne Blake, April Shih and Jack Huston.
Our Producers are Marcel Malekebu and Nora Mcinerny
Jordan Turgeon and Eli Makovetsky are our co-producers AND
Our Engineer is Eric Romani
Time Capsule Theme Music is composed by Louis Stephens
Want to learn more about Gloria? Curious about the art show I put on with Diana? Visit us at timecapsule.substack.com for newsletter excerpts, listener discussions, bonus episodes and more.
This show is inspired by a GQ article titled “The 70s Swingers Club and the Secret Archive it Left Behind” from writer Jack El-Hai
In addition to Jack’s article, special thanks to Lori Williamson and The Minnesota HIstorical Society for access to The Silver Chain’s newsletters.
Segments from this episode were recorded at Podcast Place Studio in Long Beach, California.
I’m Paul Ditty, and this is Time Capsule: The Silver Chain.
